North American Mayhem!
by Some Random Canadian
Summary: Those three are at it again! Enjoy a bunch of random one-shots involving everyone's favourite North Americans, Mexico, America and Canada!
1. Doodles

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

_**RATED T FOR CURSING AND MAYBE SOME PERVERTEDNESS BECAUSE OF COURSE THERE IS**_

* * *

**This is just gonna be a bunch of one-shots of America, Canada and Mexico, because I just think that they're a cute trio sue me gdi-**

**Mexico isn't gonna be that well-researched because I haven't actually made an OC on her, so I'm really sorry about that! I've always imagined her to be a firey, energetic girl who will literally not take 'no' for an answer though.**

**Oh yeah, one more thing before we begin! I've never made a fanfiction before, so I apologize if it's absolute crap!**

* * *

Mexico, America and Canada were all sitting in the corner during a world meeting, giggling like preschoolers. A certain Brit with abnormally large eyebrows was getting quite annoyed at hearing their giggling and whispering every 2 seconds. After about 10 minutes, he snapped

"Would you three stop acting like children and pay attention to the meeting like adults?" He said angrily. The three of them shrugged. Spain, who was sitting next to him, put his hand on England's shoulders reassuringly.

"They're kids, amigo. Let it go"

"They are not kids! Yes, they may be younger than us, but the three of them are centuries old! They need to stop giggling over whatever they're giggling at and come pay attention like everyone else! Even the micronations are better behaved than them!" He gestured to Wy and Sealand, who were sitting calmly on their respective parent's laps. (Australia for Wy and Sweden for Sealand)

"Dude, calm down! We're still listening to the meeting, we're just sitting here!" America called out, and the other two nodded. England rolled his eyes and got up from his seat.

"You most certainly are not! You're sitting there laughing over something! What are you even laughing at, anyway?" He asked, walking over to them. In an instant, their eyes turned to panic. Mexico started pushing the other two out of their seats.

"Fuck- RETREAT!" She yelled, and the trio scrambled for the door. England started running too, and somehow made it to the door before them. He noticed Canada was holding a paper, and reached to grab it.

"Is this what It's about? Well, hand it over! I can take a joke like anyone else can!" He said, but Canada kept holding it out of his reach.

"It's nothing really important.. you don't need to see.." He managed to say awkwardly, and America and Mexico nodded.

"Yeah! Just some internet joke!" America added.

"It's nothing you need to worry yourself about!" Mexico piped in. But while they were managing to talk themselves out of the hole they dug, France and Spain were creeping up behind them. They also got curious, so they decided to help England. France grabbed the paper from Canada's hands from behind, causing the younger to whip around instantly with panic-stricken eyes.

"We're screwed." America muttered quietly as France and Spain leaned in to see the paper.

"Well, what is it?" England asked, walking closer to them. The trio took this moment to bolt out of there. France, who looked very amused, turned the paper over so England could see. There was a very poorly drawn England on the page, with eyebrows so big they went off the edge of the paper. He looked very upset about some tea that was spilled all over the floor, and was yelling something along the lines of 'bloody wander god save the queen cheerio pip pip'. England ran out the door to go find them, screaming their names.

"AMERICA! CANADA! MEXICO!"

Meanwhile, the three were in some spare room in the building, giggling as they heard the furious Englishman running around the building yelling.

"Totally worth it."

* * *

**So that was the first chapter! I hope it was good**

**Feel free to send me suggestions for chapters or just feedback in general! It'll help me out a lot~**


	2. Black Eyes and Hockey Games

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

_**Human names~ **_

_**Matt/Mattie = Canada**_

_**Maria = Mexico**_

_**Alfred/Al = America**_

* * *

**Chapter 2: Black Eyes and Hockey Games**

"Come on! Just one game! One teeny tiny game! I promise I'll go easy! Come on, nobody else wants to play with me!" Canada begged as he followed Mexico and America down the meeting building's halls. They both had been trying to avoid him the whole day; it was the perfect weather for a hockey match, and they really didn't feel like getting an arm broken today.

"For the last time, Matt, no! Go bother someone else!" America said, walking faster.

"But Allllllllllllll.. I said that nobody else wants to play with me! Weren't you listening?" He countered. America eventually sighed and stopped to try to talk some sense into Canada, while Mexico ran for her life.

"Listen Mattie. I love you, but we all know you get way too.." He paused to find the right words. "Competitive when you play hockey."

"I do not!"

"Last time I agreed to play with you I was in a wheelchair for a month."

"Oh.. right.. sorry.." he muttered sheepishly. "I promise I'll go easy on you this time! And if I don't.. um.." He stopped as he thought of something. "I'll buy you McDonald's for a week!"

America thought it over, before sighing.

"Make that two weeks."

"Fine. Can you get Maria to play too?"

"You'll have to make it 2 weeks of McDonald's _and _Taco Bell then." Canada rolled his eyes. Mexico hated Taco Bell, but America always bought it for her because according to him, 'all Mexicans like tacos!'

"Okay! I'll see you on the ice!" He said happily, walking off. America gulped. If Canada wasn't going to kill him on the ice, Mexico definitely was when she found out what he had roped them into.

* * *

"So, did you talk him out of it?" Mexico asked when America found her again. She was hiding behind some plant by the elevators. America rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Uh.. Maybe?" Mexico gave him a glare.

"Alfred, what did you do?"

"Um.. HemayormaynothavebribedmewithMcDonald'ssoIsaidyesbuthesaidtobringyoutoosoImadehimalsobuyTacoBellforyoutoosonowwe'replayingagainsthimI'msorrydon'tkillme-" he said quickly. Mexico blinked.

"Say that again, but slower."

"Okay, so.. He may or may not have bribed me with McDonald's so I said yes but then he said to bring you too so I made him also buy Taco Bell for you so now we're playing against him I'm so so sorry don't kill me-" Mexico went silent for a moment, as she processed what the northern nation said.

"You did WHAT?!"

* * *

And so, when the trio made it to the meeting that afternoon, America had a broken arm, a sprained ankle, a black eye and multiple bandages on both his arms and legs, while Mexico sported a giant bruise on her cheek, an arm in a sling, and a leg covered head to toe in bandages. If you looked closely, you could see blood seeping through. They still got their fast food though, so America looked somewhat happy while Mexico just looked really annoyed. Next to them stood Canada, looking perfectly fine.

"Holy- what happened? Why the hell do you bastards look like you just came back from war?" Romano asked as he came nearer. The two didn't say a word; they just pointed at Canada.

"_HE _did this? This thing? Mr. 'I hate violence and can't even hurt a fly without regretting it'?" Romano pointed at Canada incredulously. Canada looked somewhat irritated, but didn't say anything about it.

"Dude, don't underestimate him when he plays hockey." America said while eating a fry, and Mexico agreed.

"It's a nightmare." She muttered. Romano scoffed.

"There's no way HE can do this. It must've been some other dude." Suddenly, Canada stood up, with a very cold look on his face. Well, for someone like Romano, it would've been a normal cold look, but for Canada, it was probably as cold as they get.

"You. Me. Ice. Now." He said, and walked out the room. Mexico and America sent him 'good luck- you'll need it' looks. Romano gulped and followed after him.

In short, at the end of the day, three nations were sent home with brutal injuries, while a certain Canadian was just fine.


	3. Weird Al

**_*WARNING*_**

**_I DO NOT OWN HETALIA_**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Weird Al**

Today's meeting was quite normal, actually. Everyone was behaving themselves and listening to the speaker, and Germany was quite happy about this. He was about to tell everyone what a good meeting this was _when..._

_"He looked at me, and I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I looked at him-"_

_"_AMERICA! CANADA!"

Both nations in question looked up from their stereo (which they somehow smuggled in).

"Yeah?" America asked innocently.

"What is the meaning of this?" He asked tiredly, gesturing to the stereo, which was still playing music but now at a lower volume.

"Well, stereos normally play music. You're like an engineering dude, you should probably know this stuff." America explained with a lot of hand gestures. Germany facepalmed.

"Nein, I mean why are you playing that monstrous music." This caused an uproar from the two North Americans.

"How dare you!" Canada yelled dramatically.

"I've never been more offended in my life!" America yelled, putting a hand to his forehead.

"Bloody hell, it's absolutely horrid music! How on earth could you like that?" England yelled back. They both gave him a glare.

"We like it, Iggy, because WE MADE IT!" America yelled.

"Wait, what?"

Canada sighed and searched something on his phone.

"Weird Al Yankovic's full name is _Alfred Matthew _Yankovic," he explained, showing them all the phone. "We kinda created a fake artist for all these songs to keep our identities secret."

"And whenever these idiots make a new song, the run over to me and make me listen to the torture." Mexico called out from where she was sitting. She was wearing earmuffs, as if she was expecting this.

"Come on, Mexi, you know ya love it!" America called to her, ("No I don't!") before turning back to England. "Y'know, if you're such a 'gentleman', you would know better than to insult someone's music to their face." Canada nodded in agreement.

"Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll go somewhere else to listen to our music, since apparently to some nations in this room it's 'monstrous' and 'absolutely horrid'." Canada said, picking up the stereo and following America out the door. Surprisingly, a few nations went after them. Unsurprisingly, it was Spain, Prussia, and most of the micronations.

"How could you guys hate that totally awesome music? You have really unawesome taste, West." Prussia said as he left. All the other nations in the room stared at the door in confusion.

"What just happened?"

* * *

**This was kind of a short chapter, but whatever-**

**If you actually search up Weird Al's full name, it really is Alfred Matthew Yankovic, which I think is pretty dapper.**

**I also thought it made sense, because he made a parody of Green Day's American Idiot called 'Canadian Idiot', and the entire time I was listening to it I could only think "Yeah, totally made this to piss Canada off.**

**As usual, feel free to send feedback or chapter ideas~ **


	4. Horror Games

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA **_

* * *

**Chapter 4: Horror Games**

It was a quiet evening in America and Canada's shared home. _Too quiet, _thought England as he sipped his tea in the living room. Him and France had decided to pay the two North Americans a visit, and apparently Mexico too because she was staying with them for a few days as well. England looked at France, who was reading some romance story in an armchair.

"Hey Frog, what time is it?" France looked up at him before checking his watch.

"About.. 8:00. Why?"

"It's way too early for those three to be asleep.. Why the hell are they so quiet?" France looked up at the ceiling, then shrugged.

"Judging by how quiet they are.. They must be watching porn." France stated blankly. England glared at him.

"Shut up, you bloody frog! We both know those three are so innocent they probably don't even know what porn is!"

"Then I guess I'll have to go up and show them~" France said, getting up from his chair. England was about to murder him when-

_**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

Both nations looked up for a moment, before dashing up the stairs and into America's bedroom, where the screaming was coming from. When they opened the door, they were greeted with America hiding behind Mexico, Mexico hiding behind Canada, and Canada playing some sort of game on the computer America kept in his room. When they heard the door open, they all screamed again and hid behind the computer desk.

"IT IS REAL! THAT BEAR THING IS REAL! I TOLD YOU! IT ATE ENGLAND AND FRANCE AND NOW IT'S GONNA KILL US-" America yelled, while Mexico and Canada tried to get him to shut up.

"If you keep screaming, it's gonna find and kill us faster, idiot!" Mexico whisper-yelled. This got America to quiet down. England face-palmed, while France walked into the room with a small smile on his face.

"_Mes petits, _there is no monster! It's just me and _Angleterre," _He called out. All three slowly poked their heads out. When they confirmed it was just France and England, they climbed out of their hiding spot.

"What on earth were you guys doing to make you so scared?" England asked as he walked over to the computer to find out. On the screen was the main menu for the game "Five Nights at Freddy's".

"Five Nights and Freddy's," Canada answered, before being tackled in a comforting hug by France.

"You said it wasn't gonna be that scary!" America said as he found the courage to make it to the computer and close the game.

"I didn't say that! That's what Portugal said!" Mexico yelled back.

"Both of you, calm down. It was just a game, it isn't going to kill you." England said, trying to reassure the two.

"Yes it is!" They all said at the same time.

"_Non,_ it isn't. And if it does come to get you, me and England will fight them off. Right?" France said, slowly pulling Mexico and America into his hug.

"Er.. right."

"Now, why don't we go down for hot chocolate? That always helps, doesn't it?.

The trio nodded, and soon all five made it downstairs and were enjoying their hot chocolate. Canada had about a lifetime supply of hot chocolate mix on his side of the house, so there was more than enough for all of them.

* * *

After the hot chocolate, England and France went to bed. America was going to bed too, but he was still spooked because of that game. He really didn't want to go to bed alone, but heroes wouldn't admit that they were scared! They would just keep going, no matter the consequences! So that's what America did. Just before he actually got into bed, someone knocked on his door.

When he opened it, Mexico and Canada were awkwardly standing there.

"Um.. Al? Can we sleep with you tonight?" Canada asked.

"We were too scared to sleep alone.." Mexico added sheepishly. America smiled and moved so they could walk in the room.

"To be honest, I was gonna ask the same thing. It'll be sorta like old times!" He said excitedly as he dived into the bed with them and turned off the light.

"G'night," Canada called out into the darkness.

"Buenas noches!"

"Night!"

* * *

**French translations~ **

**Mes petits: My little ones**

**Angleterre: England**

**Non: No**

**Spanish translations~**

**Buenas noches: Good night**


	5. Prank War

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 5: Prank War**

It was April first, the day Canada dreaded the most. April first, as we all know, is April fool's day. And unfortunately for this Canadian, was the day Mexico and America had an all-out prank war. Now, if it was only on April first, maybe he could bear it. But normally, it ended around a week later. Occasionally a month later, but normally a week.

This April, he was prepared. He had made his side of the house into a bunker, boarding up all the doors that lead to America's side of the house. He checked every appliance and piece of plumbing he owned five times to make sure they weren't tainted with in any way, shape or form. He hid all his maple syrup in his safe just in case one of those jerks decided it would be a good idea to steal it for some reason. Now all he had to do was wait in there for a week.

Just as he was getting comfortable and was turning on Naruto, his phone buzzed.

_Reminder: World Meeting on April 1st- NO EXCUSES!_

Canada groaned. He had forgotten all about the meeting! And he sat right between both of them.. This was gonna end terribly, wasn't it?

And so, Canada rolled out of bed, got ready for the meeting, and started driving to the building.

* * *

As he entered the meeting room and took a seat, he didn't see any sign of America or Mexico anywhere. Instead of being relieved, he was even more terrified. This meeting was going to end in disaster, he just knew it.

After about 10 minutes, Germany got tired of waiting.

"Both America and Mexico are late. Does anyone know where they are?" Canada tried to answer, but nobody heard him. As usual. As everyone was trying to figure out where they were, America walked through the door.

"'Sup dudes! Sorry I'm la-" he started, before being splashed with Green, white and red paint. Out of nowhere, and I Mexico appeared with a triumphant look on her face.

"Haha! First prank of the day goes to me~" She said, sticking her tongue out as she went to her seat. As she sat down, however, a loud farting sound played. America laughed at her as he went to his.

"You really fell for that? And people say _I'm _stupid!" As he sat down in his seat, it blew up.

"_You really fell for that?_" Mexico mimicked, laughing. Canada looked done with their bullshit already, and it had barely started.

* * *

Throughout the rest of the meeting, Mexico and America kept playing pranks on each other, and even to the other nations. America tripped England who landed in France's arms (much to the Englishman's dismay), while Mexico served all the Latin Americans Cokes with Mento ice cubes.

By the end of the meeting, half the nations there were scared of America and Mexico, and the other half was just as annoyed at them as Canada. When the meeting ended, they both ran up to Canada, hair messed up and covered in multiple substances. There were two large grins on their faces nonetheless.

"Canadia!" America called cheerfully as he ran up to his brother.

"It's Canada-"

"Whatever! Who won? Who won? I bet it was me!" Mexico said excitedly. Canada sighed and looked at his chart.

"So.. America pulled 243 pranks on Mexico, and Mexico pulled 231 on America." Canada said. America made a fist pump in the air.

"Woohoo! I won again! You can NEVER beat the champion!"

"I didn't finish!" Canada said, and America stopped celebrating. "She only pulled 243 on _you_, but also had an additional 137 pranks on various other nations. Mostly the Latin Americans and Spain, but still other nations. America only pulled 73."

"Mattie, I don't wanna do math! Just tell us who won!" Mexico complained.

"In short, Mexico got 380 and America got 304."

"I WIN! I HAVE FINALLY DEFEATED YOU AFTER YOUR LONG (and annoying) REIGN! BOW DOWN TO YOUR NEW CHAMPION!" Mexico screamed while America cried.

"Germany, please don't ever make another meeting on the first of April." England muttered as he watched the two.

"Agreed," Germany said, facepalming when Prussia asked to join next year

* * *

This is totally something they do, change my mind-

I'm probably gonna do a Christmas chapter next since it's _~that time of the year_again, so be on the lookout for that!

As always, feel free to leave feedback or suggestions for a new chapter, and hasta la pasta~


	6. Merry Christmas, NA Trio!

**_*WARNING*_**

**_I DO NOT OWN HETALIA_**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Merry Christmas, NA Trio!**

Ah, Christmastime. All the music, colours, snow.. don't you just love it? And on this particular Christmas Eve, three particular North Americans were walking down the snow-filled streets of Toronto.

"Wow, there's barely any snow this year! I was really hoping for more.." Canada said as they were walking. Mexico and America looked at him like he was insane. As they entered a store, America looked at his phone.

"Alright dudes, the first thing we need is a butt ton of Christmas-themed movies." There was a moment of silence.

"Alfred, this is a clothing store." Mexico pointed out.

"Oh. Wrong store. This way!" He yelled, grabbing the others' arms and running out of the store.

"Here we go! This is the right store! ..Right?"

"Yes, this is the right store." Canada rolled his eyes with a small smile.

After getting as many movies as they could carry, they headed off to their next location.

"Walmart! Isn't it the best thing ever?" America said excitedly as they walked around.

"Guess so. Why are we even here? Matt has a bunch of blankets at his house," Mexico asked as they bought a few blankets.

"You can never have enough blankets," Both northern nations said as they added 37295 blankets to their cart. While they were there, they also bought much more popcorn and candy canes than was ever needed in someone's lifetime.

"Okay, what's next?" Canada asked as they left the store. America checked his phone.

"Umm.. Oh! Santa hats!" They both looked to Mexico, who gave them a tired but amused smile.

"I was gonna protest, but why the hell not?"

* * *

After gathering all the necessary components, they were all gathered in front of the TV under about 23 blankets (Well, not actually but much more than needed) popcorn and candy canes laid out in front of them and bright red Santa hats on their heads.

"Y'know, I kinda like doing this more than my absolutely awesome Christmas parties," America said as he grabbed a handful of popcorn.

"Me too," Canada agreed. Mexico nodded.

"Merry Christmas, guys."

"Merry Christmas!"

* * *

**Wow, this is a lot shorter than the others-**

**I had absolutely no idea what to do for this chapter, since Christmas is a pretty broad topic, but settled on a little fluff chapter**

**At first I was gonna do a Christmas party thing, but I ended up writing this by accident and I think it turned out pretty good!**

**Hope you enjoyed it, feel free to give feedback/leave chapter suggestions, and**

**Merry Christmas~!**


	7. Walmart

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 7: Walmart**

It was a warm summer day in Canada when the North American Trio were walking down to Walmart for some snacks. As they were wandering the halls, America gasped loudly.

"..Is something wrong?" Canada asked. America nodded his head.

"What is wrong with you?!"

"..What?" America pointed rather dramatically to a shelf that had shampoo on it.

"wHy is this not locked away?! Someone could steal it! That's so dangerous!" Mexico and Canada looked at America weirdly, before Canada spoke.

"Alfred, that's shampoo-"

"yES, I'M AWARE!"

"Calm down, people are looking at us-" Mexico started, but was very quickly cut off.

"And they should look! This is a very big hazard! Someone could steal all of this! You need to be more careful Mattie! That's it, I'm gonna teach you self defense! I can't believe you're just leaving shampoo out here in the open for people to steal!"

"But.. it's shampoo.. who would steal shampoo..?" Canada asked quietly.

"EVERYONE! You have to lock it up in one of those fancy boxes!"

"You mean the boxes that have guns and ammo in them? The ones that _the workers have to unlock if someone wants to buy it?_" Mexico asked with an annoyed look on her face. America nodded.

"Who in the right mind would lock shampoo in one of those?"

"Nevada!"

* * *

**When I was in Nevada, we went to a Walmart and I was so confused when I saw the shampoo in locked boxes. You Americans are madlads- (jk I love you all)**

**I would've made this chapter set in Mexico, but I've never been there so I don't know if it's the same as America or not. I'm gonna assume it isn't, though.**


	8. America's Ahoge

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA **_

_**THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SWEARING**_

* * *

**Chapter 8: America's Ahoge**

Mexico and Canada were playing Pokemon on the floor while America was sleeping on the couch.

"No fair!" Mexico said angrily as Canada one-shotted her Maractus. Canada raised an eyebrow playfully.

"In what way?" He asked as innocently as possible.

"I'm older than you, therefore I should be winning."

"Are not! I'm way older than you!" He protested. Mexico nodded solemnly and pat his head.

"Whatever you say, hermanito." She used this moment of distraction to grab Canada's 3ds and make a really bad move. With that, she took out his Beartic.

"No! I was so close to beating you!" Canada grumbled, eventually laughing with Mexico. Mexico was gonna challenge him to a rematch, when her eyes landed on America's ahoge, which was bobbing slightly with every breath he took.

"Hey Mattie?" Canada looked up from his game.

"Hm?"

"What does that thing do?" She pointed to America's ahoge. Canada shrugged.

"Nantucket? I have no idea. I know it's different from what mine does, though." Mexico looked at him curiously.

"What does yours do?"

"Hey, I thought we were talking about Al, not me!"

"Fair enough. Do you wanna go see what it does?" Canada gave her a confused look.

"What does that mean?"

"Let's go pull it!" There was a moment of silence, before Canada shook his head.

"Let's not do that."

"Come oonnnnnnnnnnnn! You're such a goody-two-shoes! Live a little!" She pleaded, nudging his arm. Canada shook his head again.

"No! Go get someone else to do it! I'd rather watch him get pissed at you, not be part of the chaos!"

"So you're scared."

"Am not! I'm just thinking about this rationally." Mexico sighed dramatically and collapsed ontop of him.

"Come on Mattie! Think of it as revenge for all those 'pranks' he pulled on you when we were kids!" He went silent for a moment, thinking it over, before sighing.

"Fine. But this was all your idea." Mexico made a noise of excitement.

"Yes! Now come on, we can't wake him up." They both silently crept behind the couch, and peeked their heads up. His ahoge was right there, all they needed to do was pull it.

"You do it." Mexico urged, pushing Canada a bit closer.

"Why me? It was your idea." Canada stepped back and pushed her towards the couch.

"Yeah, but as I told you, you need to live a little. You do it."

"I insist, ladies first."

"No no, I insist." As you can imagine, this went on for a while. They finally settled on a game of rock paper scissors, which Mexico lost. She slowly moved her hand out, and gave the cowlick a big yank. As soon as she did, America woke up instantly and pulled a gun out of nowhere. They both screamed

"Who the FUCK DID THAT?! I swear to fucking god if I find out who did that I'll kill them so hard their ghost will become a ghost!" He yelled. When he found Mexico and Canada cowering on the floor, he cooled down a little.

"Oh. It was you two."

"DON'T KILL US!" Mexico screamed.

"IT WAS MARIA'S IDEA!" Canada said. Mexico gave him a look of betrayal.

"I'm not gonna kill you guys, calm down. I was just mad. Look-" He put the gun away form where ever he got it from. "See?" They both nodded slowly. America chuckled nervously.

"Anyway- who's up for a round of Smash?" He pointed at the switch that was on the other side of the room. That cheered the other two up, and they spent the rest of the day fighting each other. And keeping as far away from Nantucket as possible.

* * *

**Spanish translation~**

**Hermanito: Little brother**

* * *

_**Wow, it's been a while! **_

_**America: Dude, it hasn't been that long- **_

_**lEt me be dramatic America-**_

_**Anywho, I wanted to make a chapter focusing more on Canada and Mexico, since we haven't seen as much of them together. Also I wanted to make one on America's curl-ahoge-cowlick thing, since it doesn't canonly do anything and I personally don't think it's an erogenous zone. Same with Canada's, which I'll make a chapter on later. I just think America's makes him super blood-murder-cursing if that makes any sense ^^'**_

_**Reviews are running dangerously low, give me more**_


	9. Stormy Weather

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Human names again in case you forgot~**

**Mattie/Matt/Matthew: Canada**

**Alfred/Al/Alph: America**

**Maria: Mexico**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Stormy Weather**

It was a dark and stormy night in Mexico. Rain was falling harder than ever, and instead of sleeping like her two 'brothers', Maria was terrified. Thunder and lightning always scared her, though she would never admit it. And because she would never admit it, she was sitting under the dining table of her house, hugging her knees and praying for morning sun. She was about to finally doze off before-

**CRASH**

A particularly loud bolt of lightning struck outside. She tried to stop it, but she couldn't. Maria screamed as loud as she could, hugging herself harder and saying soft prayers in Spanish. Only when she heard two sets of footsteps come down the stairs did she realize how loud she must've been.

"Oh my god Mattie Maria's house is haunted-"

"Calm down, Alph. There's no way it was a ghost. If anything, it sorta sounded like Maria." That was followed by a childish snort.

"Wow, Maria screams like a girl-"

"Al, Maria _is _a girl."

"Oh yeah." Just then-

**CRASH **

Another bolt of lighting stuck, followed by another scream from under the table. The two boys followed the voice, and eventually found Maria. They both crept under the table with her, one on either side.

"Maria? Are you okay?" Matthew asked quietly. Maria wanted to nod, but knew the other two knew she wasn't She looked at the floor, a bit embarassed as she shook her head. After that, she felt a hand on each of her shoulders.

"What's wrong?" Alfred asked. Maria didn't say anything. Well actually, she didn't have to because just then another bolt of lighting struck, causing her to automatically lean into Matthew.

"Oh, the storm." Matthew concluded. He and Alfred moved closer and wrapped Maria in a protective hug.

"Don't worry! Me and Matt'll make sure that stupid storm doesn't hurt you ever! Because I'm the hero and Mattie's the sidekick! Right Mattie?" Matthew sighed with a smile.

"Right. Don't worry Maria, it won't hurt you." Maria made a tiny nod as thanks, and they all went quiet for a while before Alfred stood up- and promptly hit his head on the table.

"Ow! Totally forgot we were under a table.. anyway, I got an idea! Mattie, come with me." Matthew nodded, gently letting go of Maria to crawl out of their little table-fort with Alfred. Maria sat straighter as her eyes widened.

"Don't! I'm-" Her voice cut off as soon as she was about to say it. Even though all three of them knew it, she couldn't bring herself to say she was scared. The two northern nations pretended not to hear as they quickly left.

Mexico sat quietly under the table while she waited for the two to return. They can't have forgotten their promise so quickly, right? She shook the thought away, not wanting to think about it. It felt like an eternity later when they finally returned.

"Sorry! I couldn't carry all this stuff myself, amd I really didn't want to make two trips, so I recruited Mattie to help!" Alfred apologized as soon as they returned. Both him and Matthew were carrying a bunch of pillows and blankets.

"Since we're spending the night here, we decided to make it, y'know, comfortable." Matthew informed. Maria smiled as they all got comfortable. When they were all cuddled together and about to fall asleep, she whispered

"Thank you" Alfred and Matthew smiled in the darkness, before whispering back.

"That's what family's for."

* * *

**I actually really like this chapter-**

**Also, I came back in and fixed up some spelling mistakes because wow does this chapter have mistakes and gave them human names, because I thought they fit better than country names for this chapter.**

**So a bit of backstory on why brothers had quotation marks around it and why they call each other family, I feel like even though Mexico isn't technically related to Canada and America, they still consider each other family because North America was all connected before it got colonized. So yes, ****they're related, but not related related.**

**(That probably doesn't make any sense at all)**

**Feel free to send a suggestion for a chapter or just leave a review!**** _or don't, if you want to, I guess.._**

_**(That's how you play hard to get, right?)**_


	10. National Anthems

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 10:**

Germany sighed as he finished attendance. "Mexico, America and Canada are late."

"Wait, who's that last guy?"

"Wait a second, they told me they couldn't make it because of 'imPoRTanT sTuFF', as America put it." Costa Rica said helpfully. Germany nodded.

"Alright, let's continue the meeting."

**BOOM! TIME SKIP!**

It was now around the middle of the meeting, and as you can imagine, it was chaos. France and England were brawling on the floor, the other UK brothers were drinking, Italy was screaming about pasta, Romano was screaming at Spain, Japan retreated into a corner to read his yaoi, Netherlands was in another corner smoking drugs, Belgium snuck a waffle maker in and started making waffles, Cuba was eating ice cream, Belarus was chasing Russia around the room, the Baltics were somewhat enjoying that, Ukraine was crying, India was drinking tea and minding his own business, Greece and Turkey were having a go at one another, (while Greece was petting a cat he smuggled in) Denmark was trying to convince Norway to let him have a house made completely of legos, Norway was refusing, (and on the verge of strangling him) Iceland was being embarassed, Sweden was trying to flirt with Finland and was failing miserably, Romania was reading Twilight, South Korea was screaming about how everything was made in Korea, Thailand was playing with his elephant, Taiwan and Hong Kong were on their phones making instagram posts, China was playing with his knock-off Hello Kitty doll, The micronations under the table were eating cookies and playing Pokémon, Australia was smuggling a spider into the room, New Zealand was hugging a sheep, Liechtenstein was drawing goats on her paper, Switzerland was polishing his gun, Austria snuck out to play the piano, Prussia snuck in and started yelling about how awesome he is, Hungary was about to murder him with her frying pan and Germany was facepalming. Y'know, the usual things that happen in a meeting.

(I probably went overboard there-)

Germany was about to yell at them all to shut up when the doors bursted open. Everyone went silent and turned towards the entrance. Canada, America and Mexico were standing there wearing the colours of their flags and shades, each of them hllding an instrument. Canada had a fiddle, America a guitar and Mexico a trumpet. The other nations blinked. What-

Before anyone could ask anything, the trio started going around the table doing a weird occult dance while playing and singing their national anthems at the top of their lungs. (very badly, may I add)

"OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEEEEEE-"

"MEXICANOS, AL GRITO DE GUERRA-"

"Ô CANADA, TERRE DE NOS AÏEUX-"

"Dear lord they sound like dying goats." England said quietly. His brothers nodded in agreement.

"Should.. we stop them?" Italy asked. Romano shook his head.

"Why should we pass up this? They look like fucking idiots!"

"I'm so glad Austria isn't here to hear this.." Hungary muttered.

After they looped around the table once, they struck a random pose left the room without saying a word. You could still hear their horrendous from down the hall. When the room was silent again, the nations kept looking to the door in confusion.

"Were they drunk?"

* * *

(Bonus~)

The next day, the three were sitting in their seats talking about whatever. Everyone was looking at them. Soon, they noticed.

"Er.. Can we help you?" Mexico asked.

"What was all that yesterday?" Germany asked.

"What stuff? We didn't do anything." Mexico said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah dudes, I told you we couldn't make it yesterday. Didn't Costa Rica tell you?" America asked.

"Are you all feeling well? Maybe you're having hallucinations." Canada said with a look of concern on his face. The other nations, now super confused, just started the meeting and left them alone. When nobody was looking, they smirked. They should do this more often-

* * *

**So this was suggested by FanficWriter332! I absolutely adore this tysm for the suggestion-**

**Costa Rica isn't gonna be a recurring character, I just randomly picked a nation, so sorry if you were excited about that! Oh, and about the instruments: Canada has a fiddle since that's what the Maritimes (a small group of provinces) are known for, Mexico has a trumpet because of her Mariachi bands, and America has a guitar because that's the most popular instrument in America behind the piano. **

**Leave reviews, I live for them-**


	11. Reading Fanfictions

_***WARNING***_

_**Nina doesn't own Hetalia! Neither do I, for that matter..**_

_**Slight cursing warning!**_

* * *

**Chapter 11: Reading Fanfictions**

Hi there! It's me, Mexico! Nina's (the lovely author of this series) out sick today because her big brother needs to learn you can't go outside in Canadian winters without a jacket and get everyone else sick, so I'm filling in for her! I totally asked and didn't hijack her account, heh heh..

Anywho, I was looking through the internet and found this things called 'Hetalia fanfictions'. A lot of them are about Mattie and Al, so I decided to get them to read it and see what they think! Hm? Are there any about me? I couldn't find any, because according to Hetalia, I don't exist. *insert sad violin*

* * *

**AmeCan**

America and Canada: ...

Mexico: Well? What d'ya think?

America and Canada: *look at each other*

America and Canada: *gags*

(Extra: "Wait a minute, why am I always submissive? Why not Alfred?" "dUde-")

* * *

**PruCan**

Canada: Wait, what? Where did you find this?

Mexico: Just keep reading!

Canada: Gil is Francis' friend, he's like an uncle to me. Why would I.. Why would we.. *speechless*

* * *

**RusAme**

America: Why the HELL would I ever even LOOK at that commie like that?! Who wrote this?!

* * *

**Abusive!America and Victim!Canada**

America: Oh my gosh I'm so sorry bro-

Canada: yOu fUCkinG rApEd mE

* * *

**Native America being a mom**

America: Wait, this one is actually decent. Yeah, she's our mom. Maria's mom is Aztec, though. I applaud you good human for getting something right

Canada: Y'know, these aren't half bad.

* * *

**UsUk and Franada**

Canada: THESE ARE BAD. THESE ARE BAD.

America: BURN IT. BURN IT WITH FIRE.

* * *

**The burning of York and Washington**

Canada: *speechless*

America: Alright, who gave these people the rights to write about this kind of stuff?

* * *

**Cuba beating up Canada (again)**

Canada: is that the only trait people give Cuba? Y'know, he remembers me more than half the time. We hang out and eat ice cream together-

America bursting in the room: dOn't forget DOING DRUGS

Canada: I swEAr tO gOd aLfrEd

* * *

**Hockey games**

Canada: Not accurate.

America, at the same time: Accurate.

*look at each other*

America: What do you mean?

Canada: I get MUCH more aggresive.

* * *

**NedCan (Netherlands x Canada)**

Canada: Tim isn't gay. Sorry fandom-

Mexico: Author ships Nyo!Canada and Netherlands though~~~~

* * *

**Canada and America secretly being girls**

Canada, after getting it explained to him since he didn't understand: I'm sorry, what?

America reading it over: Wait a minute, _am _I a girl?

*both look under their shirts*

America: Okay, I'm proud to confirm we're male-

* * *

**The ahoge and curl being erogenous zones**

Both: thEy aReN't-

* * *

**States and provinces existing**

America: Sweet, another decent one!

Canada: They do exist for some reason, but they aren't our kids. More like they're our little siblings or cousins or something. Honestly, we're not even sure of the relation.

America: Maria's states are also personified!

* * *

**Canada being depressed/suicidal**

Canada: *in shock* Wait, exactly HOW many stories are about this?

Canada after figuring it out: I'm not depressed or suicidal.. so this is what they mean by this fandom taking things way too seriously..

Canada: I'm not forgotten all the time, people remember I exist. France does, Cuba does, Netherlands and Belgium does, America and Mexico do of course, Japan mixes me and America up sometimes but he does too, Russia, Ukraine and Belarus do, all the Nordics do..

*this next part was cut out by Mexico since he went on a rant for 2 hours*

* * *

**America being depressed/suicidal**

America: ..people do realize we're physically inable to die, right? If I jump off a building, yeah I'll 'die', but I'll just revive myself. When America dies, like the nation, I die. Understand? Okay, good. But no, I'm not depressed what the hell who wrote this-

* * *

That's all I could get them both to read before they threatened to throw me off a cliff! I hope this was a good replacement chapter! See you all when Nina's feeling better!

**Hokay, I'm gonna pop in for a moment-**

**I really wanted to do a chapter where America and Canada react to the multiple stories about them, and who better to introduce them to this chaos than Mexico? I feel like she'd be super upset she isn't 'canon' but love reading and watching things about the NA bros. Everything I've mentioned has been a topic I've seen at least more than like 3 times, so I decided they were big enough to have their own category. If I didn't include some ships or categories, it's pribably because I've never seen it or I forgot :/ **

**I didn't include specific stories in case the author wasn't okay with me using it, and I was too lazy to ask them, so-**

**All of the reactions/ships are my opinion, so if you don't like one please don't take it personally!**


	12. Canada's Curl

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 12: Canada's Curl**

America was bothering Mexico with his weird outlandish claims, as usual, while Canada was reading a book in the other room.

"Come on, Mexi! You know the Earth is flat, you just don't want to admit it!"

"You've BEEN to space! You've SEEN THE EARTH!" America scoffed childishly.

"Yeah, but like, only one side of it!"

"tHE EARTH IS A SPHERE. SPHERES DON'T HAVE SIDES YOU IDIOT-" Mexico was about to strangle America when Canada popped his head out from the doorway. His curl bobbed as he did so, and that caught both America and Mexico's eye, for some reason.

"Could you both talk about the Earth being flat outside or something? I'm trying to read." They both muttered apologies to him, before turning to each other.

"So, random question. What does Canada's curl thingy do? Does it even represent anything?" America shrugged.

"It represents him not being me, I guess. Back when we looked identical in the anime, the hair curl thing was really the only thing that could separate us-" He was inturuppted when Mexico hit his shoulder.

"Alfred! The fourth wall!"

"Oh, right. Sorry. I know his glasses are Quebec or something, but I don't think his curl represents something. It does do something, though. I remember pulling it once because I got mad that he won a hockey game or something." Mexico looked at him expectantly.

"..Well? What did it do?"

"Can't remember." They were silent for a while, before Mexico gasped and an adventurous grin grew on her face.

"Let's pull it!"

"Last time I pulled it, he asked me like 7482648 times not to do it ever again! I can't break that promise!"

"Please? I don't want to do it alone!"

"Not doing it."

"Think of it as revenge for when he pulled your cowlick!" America paused, before nodding.

"Fine. Wait, wasn't that yo-" Before he could finish his question, Mexico had dragged him off to the room Canada was in. Canada heard them come in, and nodded in their direction as a greeting.

"If this is about the whole 'the Earth is flat' thing, Maria is right. The Earth isn't flat, Al." He said before they could open their mouth, and went back to reading. America looked a bit disappointed, but shook his head.

"It's not about that! But, I know you're wrong since I'm the hero and heroes are always right. Anyway-"

"We were curious about your curl." Mexico said, finishing his sentence. Canada looked up from his book instantly after that, panic in his eyes, but he tried to shove it away.

"Um.. What about it?"

"..Well, what does it do?" America asked, hopping on the couch next to him.

"It.. uh.." Canada didn't really want to tell them since he found it kind of embarassing, so he kept mumbling random stuff S he tried to think of an excuse.

"It..?" Mexico questioned, sitting on the other side of him.

"It does.. It does.. uh.."

"Too late dude!" America yelled, grabbing the curl and yanking on it as hard as he could. Canada let out a small scream, before going very pale and shaking like mad.

"Woah.. dude, are you okay?!" America asked worriedly. He put a hand on Canada's shoulder, and even though he was wearing a hoodie, he could feel that Canada was as cold as ice. "Holy- he's colder than Antarctica! That's a pretty big accomplishment, but that's not the point! Maria, go make him hot chocolate or something, I'll get a bunch of blankets!" Mexico nodded quicklay, jumping off the couch and heading to the kitchen. America gathered all the blankets he could find and dumped them on Canada.

"Th-Thanks Al.." Canada muttered through chattering teeth.

"Oh gosh, we're sorry Mattie! We wouldn't have pulled on it if we knew!" Mexico said as she came back into the room. She handed the hot chocolate to Canada, who accepted in gratefully.

"I-It's fine, you d-didn't know.."

"You could've told us." America pointed out.

"Yeah, why didn't you?" Mexico asked. Canada was slowly getting hid colour back as he spoke.

"I.. I think it's kinda embarrassing that it makes me super cold.." He muttered quietly, but loud enough for them both to hear.

"It's not embarrassing, Matt! If anything is embarassing, it's what my cowlick does! Ooh, or what the Italy brother's curls do!" America said, wrapping Canada in a hug. Mexico laughed and joined the hug too.

"Yeah! It would be really embarassing if it was someting like that!"

"Y-yeah.. C-could you guys not pull on i-it though..? I h-hate being this cold.."

"I'm pretty sure anyone would, dude. We promise not to do it again!" America said with a salute. Mexico nodded.

From that day forward, they didn't touch Canada's curl, and threatened any nation that tried to. Forget bodyguards, you should hire Mexico and America-

* * *

**Since Canada is a northern nation, I thought it made sense if his curl made him super cold instead of do.. y'know..**

**Hope you enjoyed this explanation!**


	13. Olympics

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

_**Swearing warning as well~**_

* * *

**Chapter 13: Olympics**

The year was 2018, and the three North Americans were sitting on the couch, watching the Winter Olympics. Well, Canada was watching and was actually enjoying it, America was watching and just trying to beat Canada at _something, _(Wait, maybe he didn't want that. Canada almost murdered him when the women's team won that hockey match) and Mexico was just tolerating the two until she could beat the crap out of them in the World Cup.

"Look! Look! It's my turn again!" Canada said, pointing to the TV excitedly. On the screen, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir were skating onto the ice. This was their last Olympic performance, and America couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Canada this excited for something.

"Cool, it's two people. I dunno why you're so excited about them, Canadia. ("It's Canada-") You weren't this excited for any other person." Canada gawked at him.

"It's TESSA VIRTUE and SCOTT MOIR. They're absolute legends! They're the ice dancing darlings of Canada! And this is their last Olympic performance ever! How could I _NOT_ be excited?!"

"..Did you just call them the 'ice dancing darlings of Canada'?" Mexico asked with a raised eyebrow. Canada shrugged.

"My people's words, not mine." America scoffed.

"No way they're _that _good. I bet Kristi Yamaguchi could sweep the floor off of them."

"You wanna bet on that?"

"Shhhhhh! They're starting!" Mexico said, hitting them both on the head. And so, they all went quiet and started watching.

_One fantastical performance later.._

In short, both America and Canada were bawling their eyes out.

"W-We LOST! How could we lose?! I'm the United States of America, I'm the hero, the hero never loses..."

"WE WON! YES! THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL! I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH! FUCK YOU AND KRISTI, AMERICA! IN YOUR FUCKING FACE FRANCE! SCREW YOU AND YOUR STUPID WORLD RECORD, WE HAVE A FUCKING LEGENDARY PERFORMANCE! WE DID IT! WE DID IT!"

"..How am I related to you two?"

* * *

**Oof, it's been a while**

**So I was bored and decided to watch Canada's figure skating performance in 2018 since I was bored and felt patriotic, and I may or may not have cried a little-**

**It was freaking BEAUTIFUL, they did wonderful and deserved that gold (I might be being a bit bias, but eh)  
For those of you who don't know, Kristi Yamaguchi won gold for America in 1992, and according to a Google search I did 20 seconds ago, she's the best American figure skater.**

**Give me reviews, I crave them  
(If you want, I guess)**


	14. Risky Business

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 14: Risky Business**

It was a nice summer night in America when Greenland, Canada, America, Mexico and Cuba decided to have a sleepover. As reluctant as Cuba was to visit America, his climate was really the only one all five of them could tolerate, so they had to.

It was actually a pretty calm night. America and Mexico had managed to confiscate all of Cuba and Canada's drugs, and Denmark didn't let Greenland bring his beer so they were all just chilling in the living room.

"I'm boreeeeeeeeeeed," Mexico complained.

"Then let's do something." Cuba said.

"Like what?" Greenland asked.

"We could prank call Russia." Canada suggested.

"Nah, he told me he would start another cold war or something if I kept bothering him with my 'bullcrap', as he puts it." America said. They all went quiet, trying to figure out what to do, before America's eyes lit up.

"I know! Let's play Risk!"

"Risk?" Greenland asked curiously. America nodded.

"Yeah! Risk! It's this board game where you have to conquer the entire world!"

"Let's play, then." Cuba said, already coming up with a plan to conquer America.

After a bunch of digging around, America finally found the board game, and after explaining the rules to Greenland (who had never heard of this game until today), they started playing.

The game ended with Canada and Greenland completely ignoring all of their other territories (besides their countries) and fighting to the death over Hans Island, Mexico taking over South America and teaming up with Cuba to take down America, and America owning the former Soviet Union, Japan, the UK and France respectively.

"I SAW IT FIRST! HANS ISLAND IS MINE!"

"IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU MAPLE LOVING BASTARD!"

"Okay, this is bad. Er, Maria, you have access to the west and I have the east. If we attack from both fronts, then it'll be easier since he has to split up his army."

"That makes sense. But even then, he more more troops than both of ours combined."

"You can strategize all you want, but you'll never beat the hero!~"

"SHUT UP AMERICA!"

* * *

**I thought I was being pretty clever with the title, to be honest-**

**Anywho, this lovely person named BatShark mentioned Greenland and Cuba, and I was all like "Oh crap I forgot Cuba was canon-" so I decided to bring them in for this chapter. I don't know a whole lot about Greenland, so I'm sorry if I majorly screwed up, but I'll try to briefly explain his character.**

**Greenland is technically part of Denmark, but Greenland is located on the North American plate so he hangs out with the North Americans more. He's older than all of them, but because he's not as developed he looks like a teenager instead of an adult.**

**I do want to bring Cuba and Greenland into this more often, since they're still part of North America after all, and there are some ideas I have which I can't really pull off with just the main three. **

**For those of you who don't know, Hans Island is this teeny tiny island off the coast of Greenland and Nunavut that Canada and Denmark have been fighting over for a while. I figured Denmark and Canada's rivalry rubbed off on Greenland.**

**I've been talking for much too long, byeeeee-**


	15. America's House

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 15: America's House**

The Allies were having one of their annual meetings, (by meetings I mean get together and play board games while simultanously getting drunk) and this year it was America's turn to host. When America opened the door, he smiled brightly.

"Yo dudes! Glad you could make it! I swear this year I'm gonna win Monopoly, and I don't need any of Iggy's fancy 'finances' bullcrap to pull it off!" A certain brit rolled his eyes when he heard that last comment. "Oh yeah, if you hear any strange noises coming from the attic or basement, pay it no attention."

"Wait, why would there be noises coming from those places, aru?" China asked. Russia laughed (in the most creepy way possible, might I add)

"Maybe Amerika is kidnapping innocent nations and children alike and slowly breaking their sanity until-"

"Woah, dude, calm down. Why the heck would I do that? But nah, it's just Canada and Mexico."

"Why the hell would they be in your basement and attic?" England asked. America shrugged.

"One day they just snook into my house and started living in my attic and basement respectively. They said that I always call them my basement and attic, so they're making it official." France nodded.

"I see. What types of noises would we be expecting to hear, might I ask~?"

"Mariachi music at 1AM, Mattie yelling at a hockey game, random movies, Maria and Mattie practicing their instruments together, Kuma-what's-his-face whining for food, and the occasional curse word here or there. Oh, and them screaming Marco Polo at each other from across the house."

"..Why?"

"We're North American, what did you expect? For us to be normal?"

* * *

_Later that night.._

"MARCO!"

"POLO!"

"MARCO!"

"POLO!"

"MARC-"

"WOULD YOU TWO GITS SHUT THE HELL UP?! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!"

* * *

**I personally don't think this chapter is so great, but eh**

**Leave reviews, they're really helpful and also fun to read!**


	16. Russian Spies?

**_*WARNING*_**

**_I DO NOT OWN HETALIA_**

* * *

**Chapter 16: Russian Spies?**

One day, Mexico and Canada were bored so they decided to go visit Russia and his sisters. Mexico used to be afraid of him, but after Canada's reassuring, she finally warmed up to him. They obviously didn't tell America, though, because if they did he would lose his marbles-

"Hi Ivan! Nice to see you again," Mexico greeted with a wave as Canada was smothered to death by Ukraine's.. large tracts of land.

"Da, it is nice to see you both as well. Come in, it is very cold outside."

The two came inside to see Belarus acting somewhat sane for once, and they all just chatted and drank hot chocolate. Besides Ukraine almost bursting into tears and two failed marriage proposals, it was a pretty fun time. They were just about to watch a movie, before the front door slammed open.

There stood America, beer in one hand and a cowboy pistol in the other, obviously drunk as heck.

"Amerika?" Russia asked curiously, a child-like smile growing on his face. Belarus' face was a mix of confusion and murder. She respected this guy, so what the hell was he doing?

"Al? How did you even get to Rus-" Mexico started, before America dragged both her and Canada behind himself.

"YOU BOTH NEED TO BE MORE CAREFUL! YOU CAN'T BE HANGING AROUND THIS COMMIE!" America yelled, his voice ten times louder than usual.

"Amerika, I am not communist anymore-"

"I DON'T CARE! I KNOW YOUR PLANS, COMMIE!" Russia raised an eyebrow, and sighed tiredly.

"What am I planning this time, America?"

"I'M GLAD YOU ASKED!" America pulled out a paper from his pocket, reading it out loud.

"IN 1951, RONALD REAGAN KILLED ALL THE BIRDS. THE BIRDS WE SEE NOW ARE ALL RUSSIAN SPIES FROM THE FORMER SOVIET UNION PLANNING TO REBUILD THE FALLEN EMPIRE AND BRING AMERICA WITH IT!"

"Amerika, Reagan was an _American_ president."

"YES."

"Therefore he would control what would happen to the birds in Amerika, da?"

"YES."

"So _you_ killed the birds, not me."

"YOU BRAINWASHED HIM, OBVIOUSLY!" Russia whacked him over the head with the Magic Metal Pipe of Pain, causing the American to black out.

"Now that this is over with, we can go watch movie now, da?" Everyone else nodded slowly, going back to the couch.

* * *

**This chapter was based off that one vine of that guy in a chair talking about how Reagan killed all the birds, if you know what I'm talking about. Here's the link: ** /tR_VWPI91yQ

**I switched some things up since I couldn't remember what the whole vine was when I wrote this, but eh**


	17. 4200

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

**Chapter 17: 4200**

Mexico was bored and was scrolling through fanfictions when she noticed something.

"AL! MATTIE! Come here quickly!" She called out into the other room. The other two ran in quickly.

"What's the problem?"

"Look at the views! Look at the views!" She said excitedly, pulling them to the computer screen.

"4200? ..AWESOME!" America said enthusiastically. When they noticed Canada had gone quiet, they looked over at him.

"Matthew, you can't do drugs in the house!" Canada looked up from his lighter.

"What? You said I could when we reached 4200! ..Want some?"

And that's how the three got high and raided England's house.

**I was looking at the views, and I noticed it was at 4200, and I was like "Screw this chapter I'm making one for this momentous occasion-"**

**But seriously, thank you so much! I never would've thought that this stupid series would've gotten so much attention! I really thought it was gonna be just pushed to the side or something ^^'**

**Also: don't do drugs, please. Canada, America and Mexico are immortal, you are not!**


	18. Low Battery

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 18: Low Battery**

Greenland, Canada, America, Mexico and Cuba were all just chilling together, since they all had a day off and wanted to spend it together. They were all hanging out in Mexico's living room, just on their phones.

After a while, Greenland perked up. "I need the charger."

"Come to think of it, I need it too," Cuba said.

"Me too," Canada and America said at the same time. Mexico blinked.

"I need it too. Er, what percent are you on?"

"28," Cuba said, holding up his phone.

"23," America said.

"18," Mexico said.

"11," Canada said.

"5," Greenland said.

"Kay, then take it Green-" Mexico started, before watching America take the charger. Greenland was having none of it.

"Dude, what the hell? I'm only on 5 percent!" America rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'm the most important so my phone should be charged first."

"Al, you can't just defy the charger rule," Canada said, crossing his arms.

"Yes I can."

"That rule's universal! You have to follow it! You can't just _defy _it!" Mexico said angrliy.

"I can and will."

"He's just a kid man!" Cuba said, trying so hard not to strangle America.

"Actually, I'm older than all of you-"

"Exactly. He's just a kid and also just a part of Denmark, so he wouldn't need his phone anyway." America explained, making all four of them even more pissed off.

"Oh, and _you _do?" Cuba retorted

"Well, duh. I'm like, a superpower. 'Course I need my phone!"

"CAN A SUPERPOWER HANDLE THIS?!" Greenland and Cuba yelled at the same time, tackling the American. Mexico and Canada blinked.

"My money's on Cuba and Greenland." Canada said, scooching back so he wouldnt get dragged into the fight.

"You're only saying that because he's beaten you up so many times, Mattie. Al's definetly gonna hammer them."

"You got a point there. First aid kit?"

"First aid kit."

* * *

**So this chapter was based off of my lovely older sister, who dEFYS THE CHARGER RULE LIKE WHAT-**

**I don't actually know if the charger rule is a universal thing, it's just always been something my family's done and I've assumed the rest of the world does it too**

_**(basically whoever has the lowest charge uses the charger, no ands ifs or buts. If it's a tie, then rock paper scissors. I don't care if you're the bloody Queen if England or a donkey, you FOLLOW THIS RULE, SISTER-)**_

**Sorry if America seems like a jerk in this chapter though, he's just being self-centered and close-minded as usual.**

**And yay more Greenland and Cuba :D**


	19. Flappy Bird

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

_**SWEARING. LOTS OF SWEARING.**_

* * *

**Chapter 19: Flappy Bird**

It was another incredibly boring meeting, and instead of paying attention, our trio was doing something else. More particularly, Canada and America were doing something else.

"So in conclusion, global warming could be treated in record time if-" Czechia and Slovakia never got to finish their presentation. Poor guys.

"YES! 23! WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT, I JUST GOT 23!" Everyone looked over to Canada, who was grinning triumphantly in America's face.

"DID NOT YOU ASSHOLE!" Canada pushed the phone in his face. "FUCK YOU HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT YOU CHEATED DIDN'T YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

"OH I'M SORRY, LAST TIME I CHECKED 23 WAS BIGGER THAN 22 AMERICAN IDIOT! SUCK MY LEFT TOE YOU BASTARD HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE IN LAST PLACE FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE?!"

America grabbed Canada's phone and threw it out the window. "WHAT THE HELL, DUDE?!"

"WHO'S IN LAST PLACE NOW, MAPLE LOVING HOCKEY FREAK?! YOUR STUPID SCORE DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A PHONE!"

"YOUR JUST JEALOUS YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO GET A SCORE LIKE MINE! MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME TO CANADA, WE HAVE THE BEST EDUCATION IN THE WORLD! UNLIKE YOU, DUMBASS!" Canada yelled, slapping America across the face. America glared and pulled Canada by the hair. In the background, the Nordics were really pissed about that comment.

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE CALLING A DUMBASS, BITCH? AT LEAST I MAKE RESPECTABLE POP SINGERS!"

"TAKE THAT BACK CELINE AND JUSTIN ARE GOOD!"

"NEVER!"

"I WILL FUCKING RIP YOUR FACE OFF!"

"HAH! I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY, CHEAP AMERICAN KNOCK OFF!"

The two left, still bickering and occasionally hitting or kicking the other. When they left, there was complete silence.

"..We made that." England muttered.

"Oui." France muttered back.

"_We_ made that."

Mexico was facepalming in the midst of Latin Americans. "I swear I don't know them. Trust me."

* * *

**Me and my friends got really into Flappy Bird the other day, so that's where the inspiration for this chapter came from. (One of my friends got like 70 and I only got 19 D:)**

**I don't actually know if Canada has the best education, but I heard some people saying it so I used that for Canada's defense. I do know that Nordic education is like heckin awesome though so they probably weren't too happy about that comment**

**I want to try uploading a chapter every weekend, but don't be surprised if it comes earlier or late. My goal is at least once a week.**


	20. I'm Moving

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Human Names:**

**Jett: Australia**

**Zack: New Zealand**

* * *

**Chapter 20:**

New Zealand and Australia were surprised when they heard a knock at their door. People rarely visited them, so visitors were always welcomed happily. But at least most times those visitors came with notice beforehand.

Australia opened the door to see Canada standing there, holding a suitcase in one hand and Kumajiro in his other.

"G'day Mattie! It's been a while, huh?" He greeted happily, letting the Canadian in. Canada nodded.

"Yeah, it has. Nice to see you too, Jett."

"What brings you here on such short notice? Most times you call in advance or something."

"About that, I got something I've been meaning to tell you and Zack."

"Yeah?" Australia asked curiously. "Go on."

"I've decided I'm moving to Oceania." Australia's mouth hung open.

"I'm sorry mate, what?"

"You heard me right. I'm moving."

Australia went silent, before poking his head into the living room. "Oi Kiwi! Get over here!"

"What is it?" New Zealand asked, walking into the entrance hall.

"I'm moving to Oceania." Canada explained. New Zealand's reaction was very similar to Australia's.

"Matt, you can't just move continents! You're a nation!"

"Can too! My boss didn't like it, but he eventually just gave in!"

"Why did you even want to move here in the first place?" Australia asked.

"Al and Maria."

"What did they do this time?"

"They've been fighting nonstop for 3 weeks. I don't even know why they started anymore!"

"Yeah, but they'll come around eventually, right?" New Zealand asked somewhat hopefully. Canada shrugged.

"Probably, but I doubt it's gonna be soon. It's really heated this time."

"Won't they at least notice you're missing?" Australia asked.

"According to my calculations, they'll notice I've gone missing around next Tuesday. There'll be plenty of time for me to make up an excuse to stay until then." New Zealand and Australia looked at each other, as if talking telepathically, before sighing.

"Fine, you can stay with us. But you're not staying forever, mate!" Australia announced.

"Thank you so much, Jett!" Canada said happily, hugging Australia. "I promise I'll try not to be a bother."

"Don't worry about it too much man," New Zealand said reassuringly. "You're our brother, it's not like we'll kick you to the curb. C'mon, I'll help ya get settled in the guest bedroom." He said, walking out of the room and gesturing for Canada to follow. Australia sighed when they left.

"This is definitely not what I was expecting today."

* * *

"Idiot!" Mexico screamed at America, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Loser!" He screamed back, making a face at her.

"Stupid!"

"Dummy!"

"Guess what, America!"

"What?!"

"You're the WORST hero I've ever seen ever! Even the Joker is a better hero than you, and he's a villain!" America gasped and tackled her.

"How DARE YOU?! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"WE'RE NOT IN YOUR HOUSE! WE'RE IN MATTIE'S- wait where is he?" Mexico asked, looking around. America stopped trying to strangle the Mexican and got up.

"Um.. Do you think he disappeared?"

"Shut up. You and I both know he hates it when people make jokes about that."

"It was ONE TIME!"

"One time too many for him. Where do you think he could've gone?" America shrugged.

And so, the search for the missing Canadian (and his polar bear) begins!

* * *

America and Mexico searched all over their continent (Which was a lot easier than it looked, since they could feel nations in their countries), but they couldn't feel anything. They even tried asking the Provinces for help, but they couldn't feel Canada either.

"He must've left the continent, then." Mexico concluded, banging her head on the table.

"This would be SO MUCH easier if he just picked up his stupid cellphone!" America said after his 48648264th time trying to call Canada.

"But where would he go? Maybe he's staying with someone?" Mexico suggested.

"Call everyone you know," America replied, looking through his contacts. Mexico shrugged and copied him.

* * *

"Hello?" Australia said, picking up the phone. "Oh, hey Al! What's up? ..Yeah, Mattie's here. Why?"

"How the heck did he get all the way to Australia?" Mexico asked, taking the phone away from America and deciding she was the one who would be talking now.

"He said he was sick of your guys' fighting and that he was moving to Oceania. Oh, what day is it by the way?"

"..Tuesday. Why?"

"Oh! Matt said you both would cut it out around this Tuesday! He's psychic, I'm tellin' ya! Or maybe you two just fight so much he just knows. That's kinda sad, mate."

Mexico and America were silent. Did they really fight so much that they got their brother to literally move continents? Yes, yes you do.

"Oh gosh. Um.. Can we talk to Matt?" Mexico asked.

"Yep!" Australia said, before they could hear distant yelling and a bunch of moving on the receiver.

"Bonjour?" Canada said into the phone.

"Hiya, Matt! It's us!" America said enthusiastically.

"Hi Al. Did you and Maria stop fighting yet?"

"Yep!"

"And because I know you're gonna fight again whether I like it or not, do you at least promise to _chill _a little? Like, you've been fighting for 3 weeks. Not cool."

"We promise, Matteo! Don't worry!" Mexico said reassuringly. America agreed.

"Okay! I'll be back next week. There's a really good hockey game on right now, and Kiwi, Jett and I made plans for the rest of the week. It would be rude to drop out of them, no?"

"Kay, see you later!"

When they hung up the phone, Mexico and America went back to glaring.

"Don't think this is over, American Bastard," Mexico said. America scoffed.

"Wouldn't dream of it," America said back. They promptly went to finishing up their fight, only stopping when Canada was watching. It's said that their fight still goes on to this day.

* * *

**Dang, this chapter is long! This was suggested by Araceli17, thank you so much! Also, yay Aussie and Kiwi join the mix! I was planning on adding them a bit later, but I guess they're here now. Totally expect them to be making a comeback sometime soon.**

**As always, leave reviews, they make me happy :D**


	21. Self-Inserts

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

_**SWEARING WARNING TOO**_

* * *

**Chapter 21: Self-Inserts**

Mexico, America and Canada were all hanging out in the hallway of the UN building, talking about randomness like usual.

"And so, I was all like 'Dude, what the hell? I thought we were friends man not cool'," America told the other two with a bunch of animated hand gestures. Canada and Mexico nodded.

"Yeah, that's kinda weird. I was wondering why he was giving you looks at the meeti-" Canada started, before being cut off by.. a girl who appeared out of nowhere? Wait, what?

"Holy shi- who are you?!" America asked, jumping a little.

"Where did you come from?!" Mexico asked. The girl looked at them with a look none of them liked.

"Hello, I am **[your name here]**." She said. The three blinked.

"Wait, what?" Canada asked quietly.

"You guys heard that, right? Is her name literally Your Name Here?" America asked, snickering a little.

"Alfred, don't be rude. Uh, can we help you?" Mexico asked after glaring at America.

"I like the colour blue," The girl said, completely ignoring Mexico. "I like wearing it on my body. My hair is long and blonde, which I wear in a ponytail."

"Um.. we can see that?" Canada said uncertainly.

"I don't think she's okay," America whispered. The other two nodded. The girl took a few steps towards America, which freaked them all out.

"I like your glasses," She said almost creepily.

"Uhm.. Thanks?"

"Can I have them?"

"I'm sorry, what?" America asked, but the girl took them off before he could actually give an answer.

"Your glasses are nice and square. I like them." She said, feeling them.

"Could I like, have those back?" The girl ignored him, however, continuing to play with the glasses.

"Okay lady, give my brother his glasses back," Mexico demanded finally, glaring at her.

"You're not canon, why are you here?" She asked Mexico curiously.

"I do not know what that means, but give him his glasses!" Canada said, but the girl sort of ignored him.

"Who said that?"

"..Can I please punch her?" America asked. The other two shrugged. Before he could actually raise his fist, however, she started touching his face like a creep.

"Your cheeks are soft and squishy."

"..What the fuck I'm scared guys help me-" America whispered frantically. The other two didn't really want to go anywhere near her.

"Can I put your face on my face..?"

"whAT THE FUCK-"

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Mexico and Canada yelled, tackling her. When America was finally able to figure out what was going on, he knocked the girl out with a punch.

"What should we do with her now? Canada asked, getting up and lending a hand to Mexico.

"Send her to an insane asylum?" Mexico suggested, taking his hand.

"Nah, I got a better idea." America said.

And so, Your Name Here was sent to Russia's closet for all eternity, never to be seen again. ..Unfortunately for Russia, Your Name Here was also a Russia fangirl-

* * *

**This was inspired by one of ColeyDoesThings's videos, but I forget which one. I think it was one of the fanfiction tropes videos?**

**If you couldn't tell, the girl was supposed to be sort of like a representation of America fangirls? I'm not saying they're all like this, but I just thought America was the best candidate because Mexico isn't canon and what the hell is Canada? Also, America's a main character so that's going for him.**


	22. Eurovision

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 22: Eurovision**

Twas another world meeting, and today instead of being idiots, the North Americans actually decided to get things done. America ran over to England with a bunch of papers in his arms.

"Hey Iggy! I need you to sign this stuff for-" England held up a hand to stop him, however. Surprisingly, he was listening to everything that his brothers were saying instead of it ending in a giant argument like always.

"Iggy? ..Dude? I really need you to-"

"Not now, Alfred," England said, walking away with his brothers. America had never seen England so focused on what any of his brothers were saying ever, but shrugged it off and decided to ask about it later.

* * *

Canada and Kumajiro walked up to Iceland and Norway to ask them a question that had been on his mind for a while. They seemed to be talking about something extremely important with the other Nordics, but he was sure they could take a few seconds to answer his question, so Canada hesitantly tapped on Norway's shoulder.

"Er.. Lukas? I was kind of wondering, it's been a while since we've hung out, so I was wondering if you and Emil would like to come over and-"

"Ja, that would be nice, Matt. I'm kind of busy right now, so we'll talk about it later," Norway said, brushing off what Canada said and going back to arguing with Denmark and Sweden.

"Did you even hear what I said-?" Canada asked again. Norway completely ignored him this time.

"Can't talk right now Mattie, we have a lot of important crap to talk about," Iceland said with a shrug. "See you after the meeting maybe?"

"Yeah.. Sure.." Canada said after a while, walking away again.

* * *

Mexico walked up to the Italian brothers to ask them a question about their presentation that day, but was a bit surprised to find the three of them actually working together. Northern Italy was explaining something to the other two, South Italy was stopping him occasionally and adding in something, and Seborga was writing it all down.

"Hola, guys," Mexico started, looking through her papers. They all looked up at her for a brief second before going back to work. "So, your presentation today was really good, but I have a question about-"

"Can't you see we're busy?! This year will be ours, god damn it, and we have to work hard for it!" South Italy snapped at her, causing Mexico to flinch. She really thought he was in a good mood today. Guess not. North Italy sent her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, Maria! Today we're just really busy. Maybe we can answer your question another time?"

"Uh.. Yeah! Sorry for bothering you guys," She said, walking off.

* * *

Soon, the three met up again. America dropped all his papers on the table dramatically and sat down.

"Something's wrong with Iggy, dudes. I needed him to sign some papers but he wouldn't even look at me! AND he was talking with his brothers like civil people!" Canada nodded.

"Yeah, something's wrong with the Nordics, too. Lukas barely noticed me when I was talking to him! Most times he at least says hello.." He explained, giving Kumajiro head-pats.

"Mm. The Italian brothers were all working together today! And it was on something actually important instead of flirting with girls!" Mexico added in. "They said something about how 'this year will be ours'. Do you guys know what that means?" The other two shook their heads. Just then. Australia was walking by and answered their question.

"Don't you guys know?"

"Know what?" Mexico asked.

"It's Eurovision! Everyone's getting ready for that!"

And so, the three spent the rest of the day inviting Greenland and Cuba over and laughing at how stupid the performances were.

* * *

**Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it?**

**I was gonna upload on Monday, since Sunday was really busy and I couldn't finish it on time, but I got extremely sick on Monday so here it is now! (don't get mad at me D:)**

**Here's to a maybe frequent upload schedule!**


	23. Dictators: No Peace

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 23: Dictators: No Peace**

Mexico and America were worried.

It had been about 2 weeks since they'd had a full conversation with Canada, and whenever they had seen him he was grinning almost maliciously to himself while staring at his phone. Eventually, Mexico and America barged into his house to figure out what the heck he was doing.

"Mattie! We're kinda worried about you!" America said, breaking the door down and almost making Canada drop his phone in surprise.

"What the heck, Al? Couldn't you have just opened it like a normal person?"

"No! Anyway, what the heck have you been doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"He means," Mexico started, sitting on the couch next to Canada. "What the heck have you been doing on your phone? We haven't been able to talk with you in 2 weeks, and every time we've seen you you've been smiling weirdly at your phone."

"Yeah!" America said, sitting down on Canada's other side and sneakily taking the phone away. "Anyway, let's see what you've been doing."

"Hey! Give that back!"

"Come on, Matt, we just wanna make you're not doing something insane like taking over the.. World.." America said, stopping himself as he actually looked at what was on the phone. It was a map of the world, but instead of being green, it was almost entirely covered in red, the few exceptions being America, Mexico, the UK, France, Australia, New Zealand, Iceland and Norway.

"Mattie? Why is the world map covered in red?" America asked, zooming in to see if there was any other place left untouched.

"That's my.. Empire?"

"Your what? Mexico asked, climbing over Canada to see the phone.

"My empire. It's a game where you colonize the world laugh as everybody else helplessly watches you conquer everything they know and love."

"That's uh.. an interesting way to put it," America said uncertainly. "Hey, why are some countries green?"

"Those are the ones I haven't taken out yet."

"Aww, thanks for not killing us, Mattie! I mean, you're probably waay to weak to take out the great Mexico, anyway~!" Mexico said cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh no, I could. I just don't have a nuke yet." Mexico stared at him.

"Er.. Why did you not take out these guys yet? I mean, besides the fact that I'm your totally heroic brother and it would take a LOT more than a nuke to stop me," America asked, ignoring Canada's mutterings of "You'd be surprised."

"Well, they're my family. I really thought you knew that. I just finished off the rest of the countries I would consider my friends, so that's why there's not as many."

"So does that mean you'll spare us?" Mexico asked somewhat hopefully.

"Nope."

"WHAT?!" They both yelled at the same time.

"I gotta colonize _everything _to win the game, too.."

"You can't do that to your own siblings!" America protested.

"Your loss."

"Why are you being so nonchalant about this?!" Mexico asked. Canada shrugged.

"I've done it to so many other countries it's normal? And it's a game?" Mexico and America looked at each other, before throwing Canada's phone out the window.

"What was that for?! Is this gonna be a regular thing for you guys?!"

"That game was totally poisoning your mind, Mattie! You normally only get this sadistic during hockey games!" America said, wrapping Canada in a hug.

"Sadistic?! What do you mean by sadistic?!"

"Don't worry, we'll restore you to the innocent bean you used to be!" Mexico added, hugging Canada too.

"You guys overreact a lot."

* * *

**So i'M sO SORRY for not uploading eeeeeeeeee-**

**But anyways, here's the new chapter, I hope it isn't trash  
I found this game called Dictators: No Peace and I was kind of really addicted to it, so I thought: "What if Canada found this game and started conquering the world?" And so boom, that happened**

**It's actually a pretty fun game though, you should check it out! Some countries don't exist in the game however, probably because they were too small to add into the game. (That's why Seychelles wasn't spared in this chapter, because she just didn't exist in the game)**


	24. Reminders

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 24: Reminders**

"Hi guys!" Mexico said with a wave. "So, instead of us doing our random crap today, we figured it would be nice to actually be somewhat useful," The other two nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, that's right! So, as you all know, there's this virus going around that's sending a lot of people into chaos," Canada explained. "Some people aren't taking it as seriously as they should be, so we just want to give you all some tips!"

"You've probably heard this all before, but it's always good to get reminded what these tips are! So Maria, will you do the honours of starting us off?" America said, turning to Mexico.

"Okay, number one: Wash your hands! Be clean! You should already be doing that honestly, but now it's more vital to do it than ever before!"

"Number two," Canada started, "Please don't go outside unless absolutely necessary. And if you *do* go outside, make sure to be no less than 182 centimetres away from someone. That's 6 feet for all you Americans."

"And number three," America said, "This is more like, optional but it's kinda important too. Spend time with your family, ya goofs! I mean, you're gonna be stuck with them for a while, you should spend time with them! Cook together, watch movies, play video games, I dunno, just spend time together!"

"Mhm! We've just been hanging out at Alfred's place and been playing the new Animal Crossing together!" Mexico said with a nod.

"Basically our point is, please be safe and take care of yourselves!" Canada said.

"We'll see ya guys whenever Nina decides to upload a new chapter! Bye!" America said with a wave.

* * *

**Okay, this is different from what I normally do, but I just kinda wanted to put something out there. People in our province aren't taking this as seriously as they probably should be, (myself included), and even though I doubt anyone who reads this is from my province, I just kind of wanted to put out a friendly reminder.**

**Stay safe people!**


	25. MacBooks

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 25: MacBooks**

America was having a dapper time on his MacBook playing Minecraft and drinking orange juice when he accidentally moved his arm and spilled said orange juice all over the keyboard. America obviously panicked and cleaned it up as quickly as possible, but afterwards he noticed a lot of the keys were sticky.

"Well, crap," He muttered, trying to press down one of the keys. "No worries though, I can totally just clean it up!"

I mean, he did take off all the keys and clean them, but there was just one problem. He couldn't put them back on.  
Most keys he didn't have any trouble with, like the letter and number keys. But when it came down to keys like the tab and shift key..

"Wait a minute, what? It like, won't go on," America muttered, pressing down as hard as he could. His finger slipped and the key jumped up, hitting his face. "Ow.. Well, maybe I should just look up a video, then. It can't be that hard to put on a key."

_5 hours later.._

America was slamming his head on his desk, groaning. "cOME. ON! WhY Won'T thIs sTuPiD KeY JuSt gO bAcK On?" He was just about to give up and buy another computer, before he got a text on his phone from none other than Canada.

_Mattieeee: Alfred istg where did you put my Kraft Dinner?_

America smiled a little to himself as he thought of something. Canada's smart, right? Maybe he could put it back on!

_Al: chillax man its not important. hey can you like come over?_

_Mattieeee: Actually yes, it is important! And why do you need me to come over?_

_Al: not important** and i may have broken my laptop and need youre help?_

_Mattieeee: Ughhhhhh fine. And it's your, not you're._

_Al: whatevs man, they both do the same thing_

_Mattieeee: Not even gonna try arguing. I'll be over in 20_

_20 minutes later.._

"Okay, what's the problem with it?" Matthew asked, looking at the keyboard. "Why'd you take all the keys off?"

"Okay so basically I spilled orange juice all over the keys so I took the keys off so I could clean it but then the keys wouldn't go back on and I've been trying for five hours mAttIe HelP meee-"

"So you told me to come all the way over to America to help you with a computer key..?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Do you think you can fix it?" Canada shrugged, taking a key and trying to press it in. His eyebrows furrowed a bit when it didn't go in as easily as he expected, but kept trying nonetheless.

"It's not working.. Why are MacBooks so hard to do anything to? You really should just get a Windows laptop, Al."

"But that costs money!" America said, crossing his arms. "It's better to just fix what you already have!"

"Fair point, I guess. But it just won't stay attached-" Canada started, before some piece came flying out of the computer and the screen turned black.

"..That probably isn't good."

"Oh no duh there, Matt!" America said, trying to turn it on. "It's not working what do I do-"

"You buy a Windows computer like a sane person, obviously," Canada pointed out innocently. America sent him a look.

"Okay fine, I'll shut up about that. Just call Maria, maybe she knows what to do." America shrugged, pulling out his phone and calling her.

After a few minutes, he hung up and looked at Canada. "She says she's on her way."

"And?" Canada asked expectantly.

"And that I should've just bought a computer with a better keyboard because Macs are a pain in the ass." America said, somewhat annoyed.

_30 minutes later..._

"Well, I know exactly how to fix this." Mexico said after examining the computer.

"Well? How?" America asked.

"You don't. Get a new computer," Mexico deadpanned.

"Seriously? I really like that computer though!"

"If you want a keyboard-less computer, go ahead. But you should just get a better computer. Preferably not an Apple computer." America stared at the computer for a solid minute, before turning back to Canada and Mexico.

"Yeaaaaah, no. Wanna just play Minecraft of the Xbox instead?"

"Sure."

And so, they did just that.

* * *

**So this exact thing happened to me, where I accidentally spilled juice and got it all over my keyboard**

**The problem with my Mac though is that I couldn't put the shift key back on properly no matter what I tried  
Like, it took me 2 days to get it back on with my brother's help which was really annoying**

**Like seriously Apple, would it kill you to make normal keyboards which you can take off easily?  
Anyway, I hate MacBooks now and I'm totally switching when I get the chance**

**Also: We just hit 9000 views! Hooray!**


	26. Procrastination

_***WARNING***_

_**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**_

* * *

**Chapter 26: Procrastination**

"What do you mean you got nothing done?!" Canada exclaimed, giving both America and Mexico looks.

"We mean what we mean, duh! Why do we have to do work, anyway?! There's a freaking _pandemic_ outside, we can spare a few days of not working!" America countered from his seat on the couch, looking up from his magazine.

"You haven't been working for _4 months_! This is insane, Alfred! Get up and at least finish your paperwork!"

"I would, but.." Mexico started, reaching her hand towards her laptop on the coffee table. "It's too.. Far away.."

"Just sit up and reach your hand out! It's not that hard!"

"Mm.. Nah.." America muttered, rolling over. "I think I'll take a nap instead."

"The work isn't even that hard, Alfred! It's the same stuff you do in the White House!"

"Yeah, but.. I don't have distractions in the White House.. I can do literally anything besides work here at home."

"So? Just do that stuff *after* you finish your work!"

"_Or.._" Mexico said, lifting her head for a moment. "We could do the opposite of what you just said." Canada groaned and sat down next to the Mexico, using her as a pillow.

"..Fine. Just don't come crying to me when your countries both do a Prussia."

"And don't come crying to us when your people start working so hard they make work weeks 6 days long," America said, smirking a little and going back to reading his magazine.

* * *

**Guess who disappeared off the face of the Earth for a while~?  
_*cough* and yes, I know quarantine is technically over (at least in my province)_  
**

**Anyway, hi. I'm back. Sorry for like, disappearing for a few months. I've just been super busy with procrastinating and stuff.  
ALSO! I know I really should be working on New Beginnings and updating this fanfiction, but my mind has been RACING lately and I have _SO _many ideas for fanfictions it's unreal**

**Actually, I've been writing up the first few chapters for a new fanfiction in my spare time. I just haven't released them yet because I'm still working out the plot. It involves both Canada and musical theatre, if you're interested!**

**Also _also_, I just kind of ran out of ideas for this fic. Not _totally _of course, but the ideas I had didn't seem interesting enough to turn into full-length one shots. I have a few more now however, so I'll get to work on those! **

**See ya guys later, (and sorry once again for disappearing-)**


	27. North or South?

**_*WARNING*_**

**_I DON'T OWN HETALIA_**

* * *

**Chapter 27: North or South?**

All three North Americans were sitting on the couch, just chilling. The peaceful silence was broken by America.

"Hey, Maria?" He asked, looking over at her.

"Hm?"

"Are you North or South American?" Mexico raised an eyebrow.

"What kind of question is that? I'm North American, stupid."

"Well, you always hang out with those Latin Americans, and they say you're Central American like them."

"And all the South Americans say you're one of them, too." Canada pointed out. Mexico went silent.

"Well, yeah, our culture's more similar than mine to you guys, so it makes sense for them to think I'm one of them. But I'm still on the North American plate, guys. I'm still one of you."

"So you're not denying their claims?" America said with a raised eyebrow.

"No? They have a valid reason to think that-"

"Traitor." America said in a deadly whisper.

"Wait, what?"

"You really are one of them! And all this time I thought you were my sister." Both Mexico and Canada looked confused.

"Wait, since when do we hate the South Americans? I like them."

"Mattie, you like everyone. But the point is, she's a traitor! Going behind our backs to rub elbows with them!"

"Eh, you have a point. How could you, Maria?!"

"You too, Mattie?! I swear, I'm not like planning to switch continents or something. I don't even think that's possible!" Mexico said quickly. Honestly, she was really confused but just tried to convince them she was still North American.

"That's what you think. Where there's a will, there's a way, you most certainly have a will!" America yelled.

"I don't! America, Canada, calm the hell down! I'm North American, nothing I do can change that!"

"I'm perfectly calm!" They said in perfect unison. The only difference was Canada actually was pretty calm, but America wasn't.

"America, stop it! You're overreacting!"

"You're under-reacting!"

Canada just watched at this point, not really sure whose side to join anymore. He kept watching as they started wrestling on the floor, before going to get a first aid kit.

_Some time later..._

"Hello? Hi, it's Matthew. Nice to hear you too, it's been a while, eh? Um, anyway, you know that meeting you have with America and Mexico? They had to cancel. Why? Oh, they got into a giant argument about whether Maria's North or South American."

"She's not either of those." Argentina said from the other side of the phone.

"Huh? Then what is she?"

"Mexican, obviously."

* * *

**i wrote this chapter like, a few months ago but never released it for some reason. (like, this was originally supposed to be chapter 17. it was that far back) i guess i just didn't think it was funny? anyway, looking back at it now it's one of the funniest chapters in this fanfiction (in my opinion) so i don't know what i was thinking**

**anyway, i remembered hearing some of my latino friends talking about how mexico was from central america, and they even went as far to say mexico was south american so i was super confused as you would assume**


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